Hope in someone brighter

I admit it I am an optimist, next week I am supposed to have interview for a local news publication. When I asked the reporter why she would want to interview me the answer surprised me.
“From what I hear you have an interesting story but the reason I want to interview you is because everyone tells me how hopeful and positive you are in spite of everything.”
I think I only have two modes, positive or silent. Believe me that doesn’t make me a saint, its just that I always feel awful making others feel bad about ANYTHING.
If I am having a bad day why should I take it out on anyone? I guess that also comes from being overly-sensitive. When you live in as many cultures as I do you seem to get bat-radar about how people are feeling and thinking, it’s the only way to cope. But it’s a blessing and a curse. Moody people are my downfall, if I have to work in a hundred foot radius of someone who is mad or sad it puts me completely on edge, especially if I can’t do anything about it. Why is it that the majority of moody people are the ones that the rest of us are supposed to bend our lives around? Why are they the ones that we make personal exceptions for?
“Oh, that’s just Nancy, what are you going to do?”
We shrug and go on our way forgiving them for what I personally feel is unforgivable (if there really is such a thing with God.) My mother always taught me that there are consequences for our attitude as well as our actions. And yet we passively allow the grumps of the world to ruin everyone’s day while we tip-toe around them. My own personal revenge, I admit, has been cheerfulness. You may ruin your day but not mine and I am not going to give you the pleasure of raining on my parade. Sickenly sweet I know and most times I think I annoy myself but like I said before I refuse to have anyone else suffer just because I am. Am I fake? Well probably but then again that’s my choice, how I feel is sometimes a very private matter and if I am not honest about my emotions there are probably two reasons for it; first, I don’t trust everyone with my emotions, I know how sensitive I am so I don’t need to put my heart out there for everyone. Secondly, maybe I don’t want to be a depressing influence in your life.
I will confess that when am in the presence of someone who cavalierly wants to make everyone around them miserable just because they feel miserable I want to get in their face and scream.
“You think you’re the only one who has had a rough life? Get up and deal with it, if you aren’t going to take responsibility for your emotions why should anyone else?”
In our culture we often find that truth is equal to the level of emotion that an individual feels. I find this both freeing and terrifying. I hope that my story is significant because it’s honest and truthful. My emotions are indicators of pain but not God’s unfaithfulness. This is a long hard lesson to learn, if I feel terrible God must have let me down. Tell me where it says that in the Bible? God was good and kind to me even as I walked through a terrible valley. I would also go as far as saying that I have a better more intimate relationship with God because of my pain, even when I don’t have some wonderful miracle or happy ending to site. Just a long bumpy road with me and God, what I also found was that God was the only one who could really touch my pain, understand me and comfort me. So yes, when I find myself reeling from the injustice of the world I spend time alone with God in the silence of my home. God and I work it out together, sometimes its ugly, sometimes its sweet, but its always rewarding. Call me fake for not always dumping my problems onto others but I honestly believe that the only hope I can offer other about God is the truth of peace today and for eternity.