As I drifted off to sleep Sunday night I started to flip through my mental to do list with growing anxiety. Like an animal it grew from the pit of my stomach and up into my throat. The names and faces of all the people I was letting down on a daily basis felt like a Nuremberg trial. It’s been a recurring demon these days, the ever present reality of failure seemed like a specter floating behind me. I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried and it kept sucking all my energies during the day taking my confidence down a notch.
But I had a late night revelation; somewhere deep in the recess of my mind I had had enough. With all my might I mentally shut the door and then leaned on it with all my strength. ‘It’s just a job!’ I told myself, ‘it’s just a job!’ At peace finally I was able to drift off to sleep and have been having a wonderfully productive day. All day I find myself mentally slamming that door shut and returning to the real world. If I am going to daydream I prefer it to be about nice & delightful things not work or the demons that come with it.
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