RAIN PLEASE!!!

Today we've officially topped 100 degree heat for 34 days straight! Breaking 60 year old records with temperatures of 109. In other words, it might be hotter in other places but no one bakes as long as we can!

Seriously, we've been praying for our friend the postal worker who ended up in the ER recently. Sophia and I started to pray for rain weeks ago but we can't remember the last day the sky's leaked anything but sunshine. The monotony is down right life threatening and the pools feel like bath water.

Even the library is getting in on the weather watch. (We've been making daily trips to the library because it's a great place to get out of the heat and we need lots of inside entertainment.)Come On, Rain
is a deliciously written story about summer heat and sweet relief. Sadly, rain feels like a fairy tale these days.

Collecting Empathy

"Most of us think that this life is the best there is- but as believers in Christ, we should live every moment knowing this is the worst there is. The best is yet to come."Annika Durbin (a conversation collected on my journey.)

It shouldn't surprise any of you that my latest two-week trip home turned into a six-week sojourn into the heart of God paved with dear friends. I've always found God in community, especially those who've shared the cup of suffering. As I work my way back into daily, Dallas-life, I realize how deeply the moments marked me.

Among my mementos, a little-yellow-book, slipped into my hands by a remarkable woman who's endured the loss of her daughter with unimaginable grace. Feeling grateful but emotionally strung-out, I was a little wary of what I would find between the pages.

God sends books to the most personal places of our hearts. The place we don't invite others, where only solitary words can pierce. (Perhaps that's why God wrote his story into book form?) This pint sized story will take your breath away.

Reading the description of a little boys brief but moving encounter in heaven moved my heart. Then I came to his encounter with his 'other' sister, the one who died in mommy's tummy before he was born.

Suddenly the unconscious bulwark of emotion I'd built around my heart crumbled. In one of those unexplainable spiritual moments I realized how much pain I'd been harboring because of my tiny family.

Having only one child (after two miscarriages in a year) I wonder about my daughter's social life? How the loneliness is affecting her child hood? I hurt every time some one remarks about how nice it must be to only have the chaos of one. These worries and pains have been pulling me into a dark place that I haven't even admitted to myself. In my broken grief I could only picture my loss, my interrupted plans, my unstable identity.

Until, thanks to this preschooler's powerful narrative, I glimpsed my eternal family and my eternal home! Overcome with the idea of my large, colorful, family waiting for me beyond the pale I could do nothing but rejoice!

Rejoice for the lives so precious to God that he adopts our little ones into a peaceful and perfect reality.

Rejoice in the fact that my life on this earth is but a breath and it's over to spend eternity in perfect peace.

Rejoice in a God that would send his own child to die in order to cleanse me from the taint of destruction and restore me to a peace that I don't deserve.

² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:2-3

Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back

Confession of a Book Lover

"Never trust a person who has not brought a book with them." Lemony Snicket

Wanna know an author's dirty little secret? The real reason I don't own a Kindle or Ipad is because I don't actually BUY as many books as I read. (don't abuse the system-just support your local library!)

Library day in our house is one of mommy's favorite. Typically, I go on a book hunt when my house needs a good scrub. An audio book helps the brain stay engaged while the details get done. Recently, I discovered Book Page a free magazine offered by the library filled with book reviews. Everything from Erik Larson to the debut novel of Ravi's daughter Naomi Zacharias gets a review for people like me who need a little help getting out of a reading rut.

I know I'm a little obsessed, I circle a book then reserve my own copy on-line from my local library. On a regular basis I get an e-mail from the library to come in and pick up the latest on my list. It's Netflix for books!

Latest Loves:

The Oracle of Stamboul: A Novel

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss

Chasing Cezanne: A Novel

The Vintage Caper

Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters

A Testimony of His Grace

"Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than treason,

To go with the drift of things

To yield with grace to reason

And bow and accept the end

Of a love or a season?"

From Reluctance By Robert Frost, sketched into the back of my Bible ten years ago.

As spring surrenders to summer, Nathanael and I wonder at the year the Lord has walked us through? In 2010, after spending a month in Chad, we found ourselves long on conscious and short-on employment. Last Easter, returning to Iowa from a brief stint in Arlington,Texas we were voluntarily unemployed, pregnant and living in my parents basement. In the months that followed we discovered our home renters planned to renew, the Lord opened a door for us to return to Arlington in employment that would fulfill my husband's passion and background. With so much answered prayer it was difficult not to get swept away in the image of a perfect future.

Fast forward an entire year of the highest up and downs either of us could imagine. This year we've been grateful to be surrounded by family to carry us and grieve with us two failed pregnancies in six months. The pain and broken dreams of two special children Anna and Simeon drove me to Hopeful Hearts, at the Village Church Dallas. Although I believe with joy that we'll meet these precious ones as we glorify the Lord in perfection and restoration, the comfort and understanding of community has become a lifeline.

The silence of infertility can be a source of haunting pain, the quiet of empty arms, unexperienced joy and community celebration. The missing laughter of children looms in our hearts leaving a hole that only the Lord can fill, comfort and restore. Buoyed by strong teaching and close community we are experiencing joy and strength in Him. Needing daily refreshment and direction we're discovering the peace that comes by placing our faith in His salvation and not in my daily expectation. Now the words of Robert Frost are still true. Pain and disappointment is no less heart wrenching but through a trembling, halting faith in a being greater than I, my days are secure in the hope of Christ. In a father who gave His only child in order that restoration and rest may be poured out on His children for eternity.

"O God, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are fixed on you; for in returning and rest we shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be our strength."

Isaiah 26:3; 30:15 Book of Common Prayer

Prayers for Peace in the Digital Age

"When the elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers." Kikuyu Proverb, Kenya

In today's modern age, the saying applies to scandal, especially in the charity business. Recent allegations of false information in Greg Mortenson's Three Cups of Tea and objections about the allocations of funds have definitely tarnished Afghanistan's most popular representative. Considered, in popular culture, as the Mother Teresa of the war-torn region, his fall from grace will hurt more than book sales. Difficult economic times have reeked havoc on charitable giving, bringing to light another mismanagement of funds and inflated ego will likely affect the entire industry.

This story caused a disappointing stomach lurch while my brother-in-law is deployed in this conflicted corner of the world. Reminding me of the need for prayer, for both sides. As the snow melts in Afghanistan, the war is flaring up on the ground and on on 60 minutes. Let us not forget to pray for our family members far from home and the people they are interacting with everyday.

For a great perspective on Afghanistan from one of it's own check out this book:

Storyteller's Daughter by Saira Shah a British citizen turned journalist, who's father filled her with images of his beloved Afghanistan which she struggled to recognize upon her return as an adult.

If You're Heading to San Francisco

"You HAVE to watch My Name is Khan!" Came my mother's recommendation this week. Turns out my parents and Nate (my resident indie flic buff) had separately stumbled onto it via Netflix and we're raving about it. The name triggered something in my memory.

"Is it filmed in San Francisco, in the bay by the Wave Organ?" I asked. Click. It came together in my memory. Summer 2009, celebrating San Francisco sunshine Sophia and I stumbled onto a Bollywood production filming My Name is Kahn. Check it out--the movie's reporting a worldwide release of over $19 million in three days. Not a bad review--but I'd love to hear yours.

Speaking of San Francisco, I just finished a great book you shouldn't pass up: Locked Rooms: A novel of suspense featuring Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes. I've been on a bit of a Laurie King kick lately (I love the mystery/history combo this is a great example exploring San Fran and the Great Quake of 1906).

If you like Sherlock Holmes books, you'll love these titles by Laurie King:

• The Beekeeper's Apprentice: Or On the Segregation of the Queen/A Novel of Suspense Featuring Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes (Mary Russell Novels), the first in the series where we meet a young Mary Russell and a retired Sherlock Holmes.
• Followed by their solidified partnership in A Monstrous Regiment of Women (Post WWI England).
• The Game (Mary Russell Novels)
• O Jerusalem (Mary Russell Novels)
• The God of the Hive: A novel of suspense featuring Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes

Last but not least, I can't say enough about Touchstone by Laurie King. This time a masculine lead character recovering from WWI shell shock and it's unusual affects. If you like Jeffery Archer or Iian Pears An Instance of the Fingerpost: A Novel you'll love Touchstone.

A great movie or book has to be shared! Pass it on.

The Wandering Dove

I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm. Psalm 55: 6-9

You Yourself have recorded my wanderings.
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your records?

Then my enemies will retreat on the day when I call.
This I know: God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I will not fear.
What can man do to me? Psalm 56:8-11

For the broken, the weary, the wanderers, the empty hearted. For me. . .

The Village Church & Darfur

What can one person do for the people of Southern Sudan? According to Matt Chandler, pastor of the Village Church, we can pray for the January 9th Sudanese Referendum for Secession . Joining others across the world to pray for a continued resolve in Darfur and Southern Sudan.

For our family- Sudan is hard to ignore simply because its in Chad's (my husband's native country) backyard. In 2008 an attempted Chadian coup brought to light just how interconnected the two countries can be, continued peace in Sudan means stability and progress for an entire region of the globe. Visiting Chad in 2010 deepened our connection to this corner of the world giving us a first hand account of the similarity of people across the border simply trying to eek out an existence in an unforgiving but beautiful territory.

Moving to the Dallas Fort Worth Area in 2010 the Lord brought us to the Village church though a series of personal encounters that had little to do with Sub-Saharan, Africa. Now it's a pleasure to discover the Village Church's commitment to the people of Sudan and share something each of us can do for this troubled portion of God's earth. Please check out Actions Speak Louder and consider what one person can do today.

New Beginnings

Today, my little brother Dana started Air Force Boot Camp in San Antonio, Texas. This marks my parents official introduction to military life. Suffice it to say, our hearts are now connected to the men and women in uniform that are far from home this holiday season, including my brother-in-law Joseph Ndjerareou, stationed in Bagram Airforce Base, Afghanistan.

In honor of Joseph and Dana I wanted to shine light on Operation Gratitude that sends care packages, scarves, candy and personal letters to the armed forces stationed around the world.

Thank you again for your prayers for Dana and Joseph. We look forward to seeing Dana at graduation in February and we're counting the days until we see Joseph next summer.

A Must Have Stocking Stuffer

It's no secret I adore children's books. Long before I had Sophia, I've believed children's books are good for the soul. The simplicity of story telling, powerful words and beautiful illustrations, continue to be one of my favorite art forms. I'm thrilled to high light Rachel Isadora's work, it contains these best aspects with an African twist.

The Twelve Days of Christmas by Rachel Isadora is the classic song with gorgeous African visuals that speak for themselves. Five golden necklace rings. Eight maids a milking (goats.) The nine ladies dancing looked remarkebly Swazi, one of my former homes. Sure enough, Rachel spent 10 years in Africa some of that in Swaziland.

Delighted by this book I started looking up other Isadora books and discovered a couple were already favorites on my family shelves including:

At the Crossroads

I'm exceptionally thrilled to introduce Isadora's classic children's stories to Sophia. As an inter-cultural family, I'm always touched to find wonderful books to create a dynamic and visually diverse context. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Gratefulness

This year a full heart look like. . .

My grandmother's lace table cloth, bringing a little of my history to a whole new tradition.

My great-grandmother's stuffing recipe & many turkey-strategy phone-calls home to mom.

Seeing loved ones in far away places (thank you Skype.) Banga in Afghanistan and grandparents in Iowa.

Celebrating little ones, this year Sophia's cousin and best friend in all the world turned five. (Sophia can't quite figure out how Hannah got to five before she did--it brings out her competitive side. She's happy for her cousin and the fact that we had cake and pie this year!)

Laughter with cousins all day long. (He ain't dead!)

Creating new traditions with Nate and Sophia (learning Nate prefers pecan over pumpkin pie.)

A table full of people this Thanksgiving. American's, Algerians, Chadians, Nigerians and everything in between. This year our Thanksgiving represented the very best of the essence of the holiday--a feast gathering strangers, becoming family simply through shared table and hearts.

This Woman Has A Secret

"Ahhh a little baby," I cooed this evening as an infant squawked nearby.

"Mommy, I want to see your little baby." Sophia told me, looking very sad and serious for a moment. "The one who went straight from your tummy, to heaven."

It doesn't matter how old you are, I believe, something in us delights in children. As our family mourns the child we won't meet this side of heaven, we're being introduced to a group of people who suffer empty arms, silently. I'm so thankful for groups like HOPEFUL HEARTS, my church's support group here in Dallas and brave women like Andrea, an infertility success story who took her painful journey to the web, both of these are shedding light into the pain of miscarriage and infertility.

It wasn't until this issue became personal did I realize how much shame and pain couples who are struggling to have children deal with. Self Magazine did an expose on it this fall, it's a MUST read for anyone who breathes. The stigma, shame and lack of research or options for this issue astound me. There is no reason that a couple should face this alone, especially when mind/body anti-anxiety is so vital for success. Please check it out and prayerfully consider how you can extend support and comfort to those around you.

"Infertility is where breast cancerwas in the 1970s—completely in the closet." Because no one wants to discuss infertility, "nothing gets done about it," says Lindsay Beck, founder of Fertile Hope, a program run by the Lance Armstrong Foundation in Austin, Texas, that supports cancer patients whose treatments threaten their fertility..

THIS WOMAN HAS A SECRET, Self Magazine

Thank You Rangers!

Check out Sophia's video debut! If you've been paying attention, I've been talking about Sophia's recent fears and overcoming things that make her nervous. This little video made us all so proud, not because of her talent (of course I think she's a natural) it was how she worked to overcome her fears that thrilled us. (I'm seriously afraid she will never be my brave girl again.) Sophia became SO nervous when she saw the camera crew, but we knew she'd be disappointed in herself if she didn't try.

She started the morning by saying "get up Mommy, the Rangers need us!" She's a little passionate about her Rangers. Especially when they beat the 'hankies'. We're passionate about the Rangers--but we're even bigger fans of my college buddy Brandon and the team at You Plus Media. Thanks guys for making Dallas look so good!

The Streaker!

This is my daughter--my dare devil little girl! The one who would take a fall on the playground and shake it off like a pro. Other mom's would say they'd never heard Sophia cry. No matter what country or continent she'd find friends by barreling in without any kind of fear.

Flashforward to last week when me using the broiler caused a melt down like I'd never seen. "What happened?" Nate asked. "I made a tuna melt?" I said. Daily she's been freaking out when I turn on the stove, not just screaming or crying but running out the front door. The other day she ran out without a stitch of clothes on. She didn't care! That's not the only thing she's afraid of, a recent fascination with earthquakes and tornadoes is now a constant battle against every type of sound that resembles a siren.

I'm learning it's a phase, a natural part of learning about life. I do believe its a good survival mechanism. We've been praying with her, for her, over her coupled with lots of talking. We're learning healthy attitudes and behaviors toward storms and strangers. Our family definitely has fire plan now. Thankfully, Nate is home during this time but the fear is creeping into all our lives. I miss cooking with my little girl. This week, Nate made popcorn after she went to bed to avoid a scene. No alarms or anything, just the faintest hint of cooking smells. This time I was prepared. Taking a position by the front door, in a blink of an eye, I caught a frantic four-year-old trying to make a break for it! Sigh. . . I miss my super hero!

"What's so alarming is that we took ordinary children and made them into liars, simply by telling them they were smart."

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

This line has haunted me for days. The author, Carol Dweck in her fascinating book Mindset, discusses two distinct paradigms for handling learning, life, and even relationships. One being that a fixed mindset where all feedback either proves or disproves how smart, pretty, likable, (the list goes on) we are.

In a fixed mindset there are only so many smart or talented people. The rest of us live in fear trying to prove we're part of the smart group. According to Dweck's staggering amounts of research, when a scarcity paradigm is implied to personal ability there are nasty and negative results. Children praised for their ability shy away from situations where they will not be shine. They believe if they're not naturally good at it the first time, it implies negatively on their being, therefore why try? Dweck exposes the mindsets in adults in multiple examples as well,

The contrary, the growth mindset is most easily explained in children who are praised not for their ability, but for their effort. These children receive commendation because of the time and attention they placed in overcoming a problem. They learn they're not defined by their failures or successes. They have multiple resources to draw from and failure is simply a natural part of learning. Dweck spends chapters elaborating on the quantifiable consequences of the mindset played out in every aspect of life. It's a fascinating look at much of life.

Personally, this book came just when I needed it most. As a mother of a dynamic, beautiful and intelligent four-year old. It's easy to act like your child hung-the-moon. But when the same little girl stops wanting to write her own name (something we've been doing for months) because other kids do it better??? Or as she puts it, "mommy it's not perfect." Admittedly, I was stunned and saddened.

Thankfully, I got a quiet afternoon to absorb much of Dwecks research and immediately changed my conversations with Sassy. Granted it's only been a few days but now we have an understanding of what her little brain is processing and how to change her (and my) focus from ability towards effort. I could go on and on about this book, but I also enjoyed the fact that it fit with much of my worldview and faith. We are called to work hard in all things, as if working unto the Lord. Effort is acknowledged, but we're constantly reminded that the results are in God's hands.

Happy Birthday Nathanael

¹ Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

³ He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3

This weekend we celebrated my beloved husband's birthday. I can honestly say that although the year has been difficult, the celebration was genuinely joyful. The grace of the Lord has given us much to rejoice in, good friends and family, renewed relationships and deep, deep awareness of the glory and goodness of the Lord.

It's such a delight to celebrate a man who's heart belongs to God. We can rest knowing that regardless of what life brings our way, we prosper in the Lord. God is where our treasure lies, nothing more, nothing less. This year's forced us to change our ideas of what's important and I've been so grateful for Nate's encouragement and his pursuit of the Lord. Happy Birthday darling, it's a pleasure and a gift to call you husband and friend.

Proof Positive

Scrolling through pictures this weekend I kept getting glimpses of the patient, dotting father Nate is, in countless captured moments. I just had to share a few. No matter where we are in the world, daddy always makes an effort to spend time with his girls. I don't need any convincing that Sophia has a wonderful daddy but this is a tiny sampling of the devoted father, adventurer and gentle leader Nate is for his family.

Heading to the beach, Playa de Carma, Mexico

First Birthday Fun--Sophia didn't end up covered with cake--but daddy did!

Loving his long legged newborn!

Gymnastics class, Twisters Gym

Watching the seals in San Fransisco

Exploring the Louvre, Paris

Bath time, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Quiet moments, Wheaton, Illinois

Goofing off taking daddy to the airport, Chicago, Illinois

Walt Disneyland, California

Summer fun, Shueyville, Iowa

"Sledding", White Sands National Park, New Mexico

Playing catch, Moundou, Chad, Africa

Celebrating another birthday with his princes, Dallas, Texas