Saturday, July 09, 2011

Collecting Empathy

"Most of us think that this life is the best there is- but as believers in Christ, we should live every moment knowing this is the worst there is. The best is yet to come."Annika Durbin (a conversation collected on my journey.)

It shouldn't surprise any of you that my latest two-week trip home turned into a six-week sojourn into the heart of God paved with dear friends. I've always found God in community, especially those who've shared the cup of suffering. As I work my way back into daily, Dallas-life, I realize how deeply the moments marked me.

Among my mementos, a little-yellow-book, slipped into my hands by a remarkable woman who's endured the loss of her daughter with unimaginable grace. Feeling grateful but emotionally strung-out, I was a little wary of what I would find between the pages.

God sends books to the most personal places of our hearts. The place we don't invite others, where only solitary words can pierce. (Perhaps that's why God wrote his story into book form?) This pint sized story will take your breath away.

Reading the description of a little boys brief but moving encounter in heaven moved my heart. Then I came to his encounter with his 'other' sister, the one who died in mommy's tummy before he was born.

Suddenly the unconscious bulwark of emotion I'd built around my heart crumbled. In one of those unexplainable spiritual moments I realized how much pain I'd been harboring because of my tiny family.

Having only one child (after two miscarriages in a year) I wonder about my daughter's social life? How the loneliness is affecting her child hood? I hurt every time some one remarks about how nice it must be to only have the chaos of one. These worries and pains have been pulling me into a dark place that I haven't even admitted to myself. In my broken grief I could only picture my loss, my interrupted plans, my unstable identity.

Until, thanks to this preschooler's powerful narrative, I glimpsed my eternal family and my eternal home! Overcome with the idea of my large, colorful, family waiting for me beyond the pale I could do nothing but rejoice!

Rejoice for the lives so precious to God that he adopts our little ones into a peaceful and perfect reality.

Rejoice in the fact that my life on this earth is but a breath and it's over to spend eternity in perfect peace.

Rejoice in a God that would send his own child to die in order to cleanse me from the taint of destruction and restore me to a peace that I don't deserve.

2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:2-3

Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and BackAdd Video


Allie L. said...

Sarah, I read that book last week and it did make me think of you and your family of 5 (and counting!) and the colors of joy of eternity you will spend together. Glad God got it into your hands and encouraged your heart with it. I was so moved by the descriptions of joy, color, music, and the kindness of Jesus.

Michelle said...

Sarah, I had never really thought about until I read this post, but I share your sorrow about the size of our family. We always wanted two as well. I have thought I should be grateful for the one we got but but I have never connected our intense fear of "trying" again with grief for the four babies we lost along with the sorrow that our family may only be a family of three. It makes me sad too. Thanks for putting into words what I have felt for so long (I guess that is what you writers do, huh?). Love you!


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