The Beautiful Irony of Comfort

The LORD is my shepherd;

there is nothing I lack.

² He lets me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters.

³ He renews my life;

He leads me along the right paths

for His name's sake.

⁴ Even when I go through the darkest valley,

I fear [no] danger,

for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff —they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

⁶ Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

as long as I live. Psalm 23, HCSB

"Comfort is not given to us when we are lighthearted and cheerful. We must travel the depths of emotion in order to experience comfort--one of God's most precious gifts. And then we must be prepared to become coworkers with Him." L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Dessert

In times of grief and distress I reach for voices of God's truth that have always granted me peace and assuredness of His presence. In previous visits to the valley, God gently revealed Himself through this beloved Psalm. Especially in the strategically placement of the valley being in the middle of the Psalm. The valley is never our final destination!

L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Dessert is one of the first places I turn in difficult times. The poignant devotionals are forged in suffering and heartache bathing the reader in God's grace for the wounded. It's one of my primary recommendations for the hurting.

This morning Cowman's first line confirmed something Nate & I keep turning over in our souls. Comfort, something we pursue in order make our lives easier, to keep us from hardship, buffer us from anything distasteful. The more the Lord rewrites our priorities, the more we understand why comfort is a gift to be granted in times of hardship not a right bestowed on the faithful. The more we search for comfort to protect us from suffering the more it smothers us and leaves wanting more. Instead the true meaning of the word comfort is the rain the God pours on the thirsty soul. The dry parched land of our bruised and battered being.

The imprint of these moments are so etched in my soul that their memory alone has brought comfort as we have wandered back into the valley. I know that comfort will come from Him, His hand will fill the deepest hole in my heart, the burning anguish of a soul on fire can only truly be quenched by his Living Water. A fact that is just as true this time as it has been in the past, now not just for me but also for Nate & Sophia.

Today as we climb through the Valley we're aware that it'll come to an end. Just as importantly, we're learning not to pursue comfort in the traditional sense. Instead, we're

learning to see earthly security simply as stuff, things to be held open handed.

No amount of earthly comfort can insulate us from trial. Real comfort is something precious given from the Lord when we're broken. The awareness of what comfort truly is allows us to go forth boldly knowing that we are secure in Christ. He will hold us when the world falls apart, and His comfort truly restores the broken.

"He has given us his very great and precious promises. " 2 Peter 1:4

Simeon "Pumpkin" Ndjerareou

July 11th, 2010

Forever in our hearts, safe in the hands of our Lord

"Our Little Angel"

The day we first knew, a blessed conception of you,

We were excited to be, blessed parents to thee.

Mommy and Daddy will never forget,

that moment when we all first met.

You never knew an earthly existence

but a place warm, secure, a place of innocence.

God's plan, God's purpose for you is unclear,

We do know this, He will hold you, love you,

so never fear.

Our Little Angel, so tiny and sweet

whose footprints lead upward

to our Savior, our Healer, indeed.

You are with God now, healthy and whole.

Earthly illness and maladies will never take hold.

In God's kingdom, be strong and be well,

For one day we will meet again, with new stories to tell.

-Anonymous

If we could see beyond today

As God can see;

If all the clouds should roll away,

The shadows flee;

O'er present griefs we would not fret.

Each sorry we would soon forget,

For many joys are waiting yet

For you and me.

If we could know beyond today

As God does know,

Why dearest treasures pass away

And tears must flow;

Any why the darkness leads to light,

Why dreary paths will soon grow bright;

Some day life's wrongs will be made right

Faith tells us so

"If we could see, if we could know,"

We often say,

But God in love a veil does throw

Across our way;

We cannot see what lies before

And so we cling to Him the more,

He leads us till life is o'er;

Trust and obey

L.B. Cowman

This weekend, enjoying a brief reprieve from the heat, Nate and I sat on a bench near our house while Sophia soaked herself in left over rain puddles. One of my favorite things about our neighborhood (read apartment complex) besides being very green (as in grass and foliage-not environmentally) are the song birds. They are such a nice surprise in our big city move. The apartment complex maintains feeders and bird houses. Their delightful melodies are an unexpected touch.

Despite my fondness for the song birds, as Nate and I chatted I grew increasingly alarmed at how they were attacking a beautiful hawk perched on a post nearby. After thirty minutes I finally remarked to Nate. "I think that hawk is wounded? It hasn't flown away. Those birds are all over it. They actually are pecking at it and it hasn't moved." Seriously concerned for the hawks safety I began to wonder if I should call animal control? "Nate, I actually feel sorry for the hawk--do you think we should do something?" Immediately after the words came out of my mouth the hawk took a couple of hops bounding into the air and out of sight. Without any effort it swept right past us giving us a great look of the struggling baby bird in its talons.

We were silent for a moment without missing a beat Nate asked "Still feel sorry for the hawk?"

And Then We Danced

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plan and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance." Ecc 3:1-4

Sophia firmly believes Texas is synonymous with dance. We've been binging on it since our arrival, between dress-up with cousins, ballerina birthday parties and dance-camp at church its been a little girls dream! Soon we'll start soccer, preschool and a variety of well-rounded activities but for now it's dance!

These Days

Life is starting to feel a little bit more like home with lotz of special time with cousins.



This is Sophia and I adjusting to the heat. With the hurricane in the gulf the recent rain has eased the heat but a couple weeks in the high 90's turned us both into afternoon Zombies. Thank heavens for air conditioning and swimming pools

I have just a second to lift my head out of the chaos for a quick update. Our move is going well, of course it's still ongoing b/c the boxes seem like they'll NEVER end. But little by little it's starting to feel more like home.

We packed up Friday drove through the night and unloaded Saturday morning. My husband was wonderful driving a 26 footer the whole way and unloading it into our new garage (with help from wonderful cousins) Despite all we accomplished the fatigue started to get to me and by Saturday evening I felt like my world had ended. Looking at stacks of boxes all I could think was "I want my mommy."

If I ever doubted God's personal investment in our affairs--Sunday my mother called to say she was flying home from California via Texas and if we'd take her she could spend the night? If we'd take her!!!!! It was short--sweet--and absolutely wonderful. Another God send (have I mentioned my cousins???) has been Auntie Yinda (that's Sophia speak for Aunt Linda) She's been picking her up from Dance Camp (more on that later) feeding her and letting her play with her two wonderful daughters. What a gift to see Sophia just binge out on family.

Other tidbits that remind me how thankful I am:

Sophia: Mommy, what's the weather going to be like today?

Mommy: Well baby, just like yesterday and the day before--hot and sunny!

Sophia--mommy if we leave for a trip can we come back to Texas?

In Search of Home Sweet Home

Lord willing, this Thursday we'll be loading up a U-haul and Friday we'll be hitting the road for our new home. For several months, Sophia has been asking for a home of our own.

"Can we have our own home where Nana can come visit?" February

"What about our white house? Can't we live there?" March

"Dear Jesus, help daddy find a job and a home that Hannah and Go& Go can come play." April

I have to admit that I'm really looking forward to settling down, moving in and staying in!. Getting Sophia involved in everyday stuff like dance & soccer. Thank you in advance for your prayers during this transition. We are so grateful for the time we've spent living with Nana & Papa and for all the relationships in Iowa that will always means so much to Everyones welcome to join us southern style!

The Face of Recession, Then and Now

Ansel Adams, Andy Warhol, Dorthea Lange , a taste of the powerful names and images for sale this month as the Polaroid Collection hits the auction block.

The face or the burdened migrant mother in this Dorthea Lange photo left an indelible mark on my young life. Awakening me to the power of story hanging in a moment and the pull of wanderlust to find today's irrefutable story waiting around the bend, to find it, feel it and share it. I've never been gifted with the lens but I love and respect it's power.

Today, the demise of Polaroid, brought down partially by technology and partially by a Madoff like Ponzi scheme give this haunting image of financial hardship a whole new story. Either it will be a sad story of financial ruin or one of giant reinvention. Who knows? Polaroid hired Lady Gaga in January to be a Creative Director.

The World According to My Four Year Old

Overheard at my house:

"Mommy, I'm making a chore list for us to do in the morning!" Can you tell what we've been up to lately?

Making breakfast. "Mommy, did the toaster sneeze?"

In the mall, VERY loudly. "Mommy that boy is wearing earrings like I do!"

Getting ready for the morning. "Mommy, this shirt is too big it shows my nibbles."

Walking through Target, Sophia spotted a staff member carrying an armload of register tape. "Mommy, that's awful tiny toilet paper!"

Life Lessons

Our family has always had a lot of maps and globes around the house. We even tried the multiple clocks from multiple time zones in the kitchen, but the ticking (OH THE TICKING!) drove me crazy. (On that note I have half a dozen white matching clocks if anyone needs one!)

We've had a lot of geography lessons the past couple of years keeping up with daddy and Kaga (grandpa) It's like a global 'Where's Waldo?'

Last night Daddy explained to Sophia why he couldn't play another game of Cootie because he needed to talk to people on the other side of the world. Getting out a little globe he demonstrated it was night time for us and Daddy doesn't like to work at night, but it was morning on the other side of the world in Asia.

Trying to be a good teacher I went hunting for a flashlight to play the part of a sun in our little object lesson. Mommy was in for an object lesson too. I learned that in case of emergency NONE of our flash lights work! Strangely enough all of them are missing random pieces or batteries but the most telling sign is that all of them are covered in tiny finger prints and slightly sticky. Hmm??

With or without a flashlight this was better than my failed American geography lesson. Our vintage US puzzle was missing a piece, one state that I seriously couldn't identify. So who did I ask? My foreign born, green-card-holding husband--immediately he got it. Wyoming! How embarrassing!

Saturday Morning Inspiration

Change is in the air for the Ndjerareou's. Friday ended Nate's second week working for a new job! (Praise the Lord) He'd resigned at the end of February desperately in need of a rest and work that he could be passionate about (if it helped the third world even better!)

We're very thankful that he found all three so that the accompanying move to Dallas is just the next step on our journey. Don't get me wrong I HATE to say goodbye but our family is a little desperate to settle down. Especially since we'll be adding another member to our little clan this December! (One more thing to be thankful for!)

I guess you could say the nesting phase has begun or the thought of moving our family into an apartment while we get to know our new city has got the creative desperation flowing. Along the way I have to share a couple of great ventures and ideas:

Apartment Therapy

Little Dresses for Africa

Tutorial: Hanging Book Display

Food & Memories

Our family enjoys travel especially when we get to explore the local cuisine. My favorite memories with Sophia include exploring local markets and trying our hand at the exotic dishes at home. It brings back memories of my fearless mother, plunging into African markets with a boisterous laugh and a fierce love of haggling.

She's a great cook with a huge repertoire of Americana recipes in her head. Somehow I really never learned how to make anything traditional from her. Instead she impressed on me a love for trying our hand a something different that comes out of one big pot and takes an assortment of indigenous spices.

Asian, African, Mexican. Especially if it's got cilantro in it! Sophia and I put these two recipes together last week and all the elements took us back to Mexico. It was so good I had to share. Even that vivacious mother of mine who doesn't really appreciate cilantro LOVED it! Let me know what you think or even better share a recipe you've fallen for!

Better Homes and Gardens Sweet Potato Hash

Cilantro Chicken

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties. " ~Oswald Chambers

In the past few months I've been distracted by the difficulties and frustrated by God's silence. Life's handed me enough experience know that God uses the silence to teach us to listen deeper. This time through the valley it was my husband's journey. The past few months have been about Nate & God, that's a new experience for me. Now that it's over I can say it's been a privilege to walk this road with him.

But I didn't come here to whine, that's partly why I've been so quiet. I believe in authenticity and sincerity in faith, but this was Nate's journey. The last thing he needed was my public venting. Thank you for your patience and your prayers. I promise more details soon.

I'm just starting to see how many prayers God has answered. My sweet grandfather came through surgery wonderfully and that only added to the list of prayer requests God has smiled on recently. In His own way He waited until we were at the end of our spiritual, emotional and financial resources. Perhaps that's why I got angry? But now these answered prayers feel like tangible expressions of our faith and everything seems sweeter. Thank you Lord for being bigger than our difficulties!

Thank you for your prayers

Wednesday morning, my maternal grandfather will be having a somewhat risky surgery. Thanks you for remembering us in your prayers.

Happy 5th Anniversary Darling!

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." Victor Hugo

Dallas Recap

Abigail in her Easter clothes, everyone was having a melt-down before church but this one managed a great smile!

Monkey See Monkey Doo! The girls decided they were going to exercise! They did most of the video too!

Hannah showing off her dance moves!

Lovely Edna the baby whisperer!

Easter dancing! Why else would you wear a pretty dress and frilly sock if not to dance?
The girls want to get in on Eric & Banga's push up contest!

Yes it is Hannah!

Let The Little Children Come Unto Me. . .

Recently, I got grumpy with Sassy. Simply being kid she delights in EVERY little bit of life around her. Flowers, bugs, her toes, it doesn't really matter these days. She LOVES life and can't wait to inspect it thoroughly! I was running late as usual so my patience was wearing thin. Innocently, she started singing.

"And Jesus grew, in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52)

The little ditty stopped me in my tracks. Without saying anything, Sophia , and the Lord, (by way of this little scripture verse) reminded me she's barely four! She deserves my patience and grace. After all, even Jesus was a little kid once!

Auntie Minga, blessed us with these Bible verse cd's on our trip to Dallas and they've melted my heart almost everyday. Sophia LOVES music and quickly puts things to memory. But hearing her BELT Bible verses makes me smile and thank God almost every morning. I've even caught Nate and I singing them! Thanks Minga! We just had to share!

Back To the Drawing Board

Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorn

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make. ~Truman Capote, McCall's, November 1967

A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right. ~John K. Hutchens, New York Herald Tribune, 10 September 1961

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~Mark Twain

Writers are not just people who sit down and write. They hazard themselves. Every time you compose a book your composition of yourself is at stake. ~E.L. Doctorow

The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's time for my bi-annual rant on writing!! When I ask why I'm so committed to calling myself a writer? I love the feeling of words flowing from my hands, whether it's the scratch of a pen on a lined journal page or the click clack of the keyboard. Something in my mind clears when I map out my thoughts on paper. So writing should be simple? Then why does it seem like a psycho wandering into socially acceptable madness? Down the rabbit hole into creativity, peeling back the layers of the soul. That's just for a first draft!