"Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than treason,
To go with the drift of things
To yield with grace to reason
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?"
From Reluctance By Robert Frost, sketched into the back of my Bible ten years ago.
As spring surrenders to summer, Nathanael and I wonder at the year the Lord has walked us through? In 2010, after spending a month in Chad, we found ourselves long on conscious and short-on employment. Last Easter, returning to Iowa from a brief stint in Arlington,Texas we were voluntarily unemployed, pregnant and living in my parents basement. In the months that followed we discovered our home renters planned to renew, the Lord opened a door for us to return to Arlington in employment that would fulfill my husband's passion and background. With so much answered prayer it was difficult not to get swept away in the image of a perfect future.
Fast forward an entire year of the highest up and downs either of us could imagine. This year we've been grateful to be surrounded by family to carry us and grieve with us two failed pregnancies in six months. The pain and broken dreams of two special children Anna and Simeon drove me to Hopeful Hearts, at the Village Church Dallas. Although I believe with joy that we'll meet these precious ones as we glorify the Lord in perfection and restoration, the comfort and understanding of community has become a lifeline.
The silence of infertility can be a source of haunting pain, the quiet of empty arms, unexperienced joy and community celebration. The missing laughter of children looms in our hearts leaving a hole that only the Lord can fill, comfort and restore. Buoyed by strong teaching and close community we are experiencing joy and strength in Him. Needing daily refreshment and direction we're discovering the peace that comes by placing our faith in His salvation and not in my daily expectation. Now the words of Robert Frost are still true. Pain and disappointment is no less heart wrenching but through a trembling, halting faith in a being greater than I, my days are secure in the hope of Christ. In a father who gave His only child in order that restoration and rest may be poured out on His children for eternity.
"O God, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are fixed on you; for in returning and rest we shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be our strength."
Isaiah 26:3; 30:15 Book of Common Prayer